Sometimes it takes more effort than you would expect to find the perfect marriage counselor for your needs.  A marriage counselor is someone who is specifically trained in counseling couples.  A qualified marriage professional is licensed or certified as a counselor, indicating a demonstrated level of competence.

The best marriage counselor understands system dynamics, stages that marriages go through, problematic behavioral interactions, and how to interrupt those patterns.  They should have a background in clinical psychology.  Marriage counselors should not take it upon themselves to decide whether a couple should stay together or split up.  The decision on whether to divorce should always be the couple’s.

The best marriage counselor for a particular couple would also have in-depth knowledge and experience in working with specific issues that the couple is dealing with (i.e., infidelity, addiction, the death of a child, etc.).  When dealing with addiction in the family, the best therapist would also be a licensed or certified alcoholism/drug addiction counselor.  There are many things unique to family systems with addiction that therapists without such a knowledge base would not understand.  The best marriage and addiction counselor would have experience working with individuals in addiction recovery and family members in recovery.  They would have had experience working with addicted families at the onset of recovery to long-term sobriety and dealing with addiction in the subsequent generation(s).

Similarly, if your marital problems center around family business issues, your best marriage counselor would have in-depth knowledge about family businesses and years of experience working with couples in family businesses.  Or if you lost a child, a marriage counselor specializing in grief treatment may be your best therapist.  The number one predictor of treatment outcome is, as it has always been, the relationship with the therapist.  Starting your journey with the reassurance that your therapist understands what you are talking about and knows how to help you solve the problems in your relationship gives you a head start in couples counseling.  

The next step is to go in with an open mind.  Often couples come to the first session armed with complaints about the other spouse.  Each partner usually feels compelled to make a case to the counselor about their spouse being "the problem ."  Although initially, both partners seem to expect the counselor to straighten out the spouse, the best marital counseling can quickly guide the couple into cooperative efforts for the benefit of the relationship.  Therapeutic marriage counseling offers a block of opportunities.  It involves a safe environment for identifying and communicating what is bothering you and provides guidance, direction, and support for working through pain and resentments.  It provides a vehicle for learning and practicing new communication and problem-solving skills.  Still, it also creates enough of a shift in perspectives to see the "positives" in your spouse and your relationship.

Good marriage counseling can offer an opportunity to work through unresolved emotional baggage from previous relationships (including the family of origin) and learn and practice new intimacy skills.  It creates a chance to learn how to prioritize the important while letting go of the unimportant, establish goals and practice working together as a team, and make the most of today together.

Taking full advantage of these opportunities means working hard to move quickly through the blaming stage and into collaborative problem-solving.  It means not punishing each other for risking in sessions, letting go of the need to be right or maintain the upper hand, and maintaining your perspective about your goals for counseling.  It also means keeping your appointments, doing homework (and not waiting until the night before your next session), and practicing your newly acquired skills between sessions.

In summary, finding the best marriage counselor requires effort in identifying the right professional with specialized knowledge and experience in dealing with specific issues relevant to couples' needs.  The relationship between the therapist and the couple is critical in determining the success of the treatment outcome.  Spouses must approach counseling with an open mind, leave behind the blaming game, and commit to working collaboratively, setting goals, and practicing newly acquired skills between sessions. The right marriage counseling can provide a safe environment to work through emotional baggage and optimize relationship dynamics to foster mutual support and fulfillment.