Family Dynamics of Addiction and Recovery
Addiction in the Family
By Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.
The effects of addiction in a family are far-reaching. No one in a family is unaffected by familial substance use disorder. Children are particularly affected. The impact of parental substance use disorder can create impairment in many areas that can last throughout their lives. These children are at a greater risk of developing a substance use disorder themselves, marrying an someone with addiction, suffering mental health problems, and having relationship problems when they try to pair up as adults. The chaotic, unreliable family emotional climate in the family prevents the development of a sustained sense of safety, security, and trust. Children from families with a member suffering from substance use disorder often experience low self-esteem and self-efficacy.
Addiction in the family creates emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical pain (i.e., violence). As the illness continues over time, chaos, disorganization, loss of structure, and routine often occurs. Family relationships are fraught with secrecy, lying, manipulation, withdrawal, distorted world views, and acting out of feelings. Families that are organized around a member with substance use disorder often vacillate between two extremes of rigidity and chaos.
In the early days of problematic substance use, defense mechanisms protect the substance using person and family members from seeing the negative realities of addiction. Many people afflicted with substance use disorder appear to function well until they don't and it becomes evident to themselves and others that substance use has painful, negative consequences.
Eventually, it becomes apparent that the person with substance use disorder has lost control over their use and that they have changed for the worse. Family members, grasping at straws, trying to figure out what to do, attempt to solve the problem by attempting to take control for them or of them. Ongoing power struggles become the central character of the relationship.
The increasing seriousness and frequency of crises can illustrate the progression of the illness over time. Some of those crises could involve financial, legal, or health problems. It is usually amid such an emergency that family members or the afflicted person have a moment of clarity, perhaps brought about by fear, that creates a willingness to get help. Crises often create a recognition of a problem and an opportunity for families to get help and offer assistance to the person suffering from substance use disorder. Appropriate services are available from various sources, including professionals and support groups. There are several levels and kinds of treatment available. A professional can help you sort those out and determine what is most appropriate for your needs.
A Few Words About Codependency
By Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.
When I wrote “What is Codependency?” in 2011 when published on this site, I pointed out the controversy surrounding this term. The criticism is that it has become such a diluted concept, with various features applied to such diverse interpersonal dynamics, contexts, and frames of reference (e.g., personality characteristics, disease concept-medical model) that it has been rendered useless on all levels. Here it is, 2024, and the debate continues. With the current emphasis on person-first language in addiction treatment, mental health, and healthcare, the term has reached the status of an almost four-letter word. It has negative connotations regardless of your frame of reference and has been a vehicle for making others the butt of a joke on social media. The term is predictably synonymous with dysfunction, pathology, and non-wellness. Although the common personal and relationship issues and problems associated with the term “codependency” remain pertinent and still have a significant impact on a person’s level of functioning in all domains of their life, we can use a few more words to describe clearly and distinctly the presenting issues, context, and potential solutions, without calling upon the “codependency” rubric for shorthand. I will endeavor to do just that when writing about family dynamics of addiction and recovery, mate selection, relationship behaviors that do not work to accomplish your goals, and other contexts once encapsulated by “codependency.”
Survival Roles Develop Within the Families With Addiction
By Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.
"The Family Trap: No One Escapes From a Chemically Dependent Family," by Sharon Wegschelder-Cruse, is a treatment center favorite for teaching about the family dynamics of addiction. This pamphlet outlines family systems concepts and identifies stereotypical roles that emerge within family dynamics of substance use disorder. The information remains relevant today, highlighting crucial concepts and survival roles.
Central to understanding the family's experience is the recognition of the family as a system—a complex entity consisting of bi-directional influence --where each part of the family influences and is influenced by every other part. Addiction within a family system tends to breed or perpetuate dysfunction. The relationship between the substance-using family member and the chemical impacts every member of the family. People afflicted by substance use disorder often believe that their use of chemicals is hurting no one but themselves. This belief is usually not true.
The substance use problems of one member affect the entire family, causing pain for both the individual with the disorder and other family members. As the addiction progresses, family members adapt to the changes, leading to stereotyped dynamics of interaction. Survival roles emerge as a way for family members to navigate personal pain and stress.
These survival roles, much like actors' roles in a play, include the "family member with substance use disorder" (formerly referred to as the "addict"), the "primary enabler," the "family hero," the "lost child," the "scapegoat," and the "mascot." During active addiction, family members may not be aware that they are embodying these roles, which serve the purpose of reducing emotional pain and stress within the family.
As someone's addiction continues, it takes a toll on various aspects of their life, including relationships, work, spirituality, mental and emotional health, and physical health. The family, too, is affected, experiencing some of the same negative consequences as the afflicted person. Family members develop defenses to survive the trauma and chaos and to cope with the pain. These defenses, akin to the denial that the person with an addiction employs, create a barrier that separates the family from reality.
The chief enabler, usually a spouse or parent, may feel an increasing compulsion to regain control over the chemical for their loved one. They typically take over responsibilities such as managing household tasks, financial obligations, and family affairs, all while concealing underlying feelings of powerlessness, seriousness, self-blame, super-responsibility, manipulation, and self-pity.
The family hero, typically the oldest child, attempts to alleviate family pain by excelling in various roles, such as school athlete, class president, or cheerleader. However, the progressive nature of addiction makes it challenging for the family hero to maintain these roles. Their defenses include success, excessive responsibility, a sense of "feeling special," cultivating an independent life away from the family, seeking approval through hard work, and projecting an image of competence and confidence.
The scapegoat, often labeled as "the problem," diverts attention from the family's core issues by consistently getting into trouble. This individual seeks peer approval rather than through hard work within the family. Their defenses include withdrawing from the family to the peer group, having an unplanned pregnancy, drinking or using drugs, acting out, and displaying angry, defiant, and sullen behavior.
The lost child, typically the middle child, withdraws as a survival mechanism, turning inward and engaging in fantasy. Unlike the scapegoat, this child runs from social interactions and avoids attention. The quiet, aloof, withdrawn, super-independent characteristics are the wall of defense.
The mascot, often the youngest sibling, brings humor and charm to the family but is not taken seriously. Their role is to provide entertainment, yet they may be unaware of the family's underlying issues. Their defenses include hyperactive, funny, cute, and clowning around behavior, serving as a distraction to gain the attention they crave.
While the family member afflicted with substance use disorder feels guilt, shame, hurt, and fear, they hide these emotions behind defenses such as anger, charm, rigidity, perfectionism, grandiosity, self-righteousness, and aggression.
Each family member exhibits specific repetitive behaviors associated with these survival roles, incurring personal costs. These roles may persist beyond the addicted system, influencing new families or work contexts as children grow up. They can also be passed down through generations, shaping subsequent family dynamics.
In conclusion, understanding these survival roles is crucial for recognizing and addressing the impact of substance use disorder on families. Breaking free from these roles requires awareness, support, and a commitment to healing.
Sources:
Wegsheider-Cruse, Sharon. 1976. The Family Trap, Johnson Institute. Wegsheider-Cruse, Sharon, 1989. Another Chance-Hope and Help for the
Alcoholic Family, Science, and Behavior Books.
Note: This article has been revised and edited from its original version, which was previously published in 2011 on this site. The content has been updated for contemporary language, clarity and accuracy.
More Addiction in the Family Articles
By Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.
To access these articles, click on the article title to open a PDF. You may save or print them. When sharing, please remember to provide proper attribution to both the author and this website. Editing or republishing is not allowed.
Table of Contents
"Let’s Get Them Sober” as a Starting Place for Family Members
There Really is Such a Thing As A Healthy Family
Addiction and Recovery:
The Transition in Recovery Not So Simple
Addiction in the Family: Feeling Like You Have
To Keep Them From Using
Help and Support for The Spouse:
Is Your Spouse's Addiction Killing You?
Understanding the Impact of Substance Use Disorder: Unraveling the Dynamics
Understanding the Impact Of Active Addiction On Marriage
Family Members Generally Struggle to Figure out the Difference Between Enabling and Helping
Addiction As Disease Does Not Equal” Get Out of Jail Free”
Where Did I Go? The Impact of Family Dynamics
Of Addiction
Understanding Ambivalence in The Transition to Addiction Recovery: A Family Perspective
From Struggle to Strength: How Families Can Confront Addiction
The List of Enabling Behavior:How to Recognize and Stop Your Enabling
How Addiction in the Family Impacts You: A Stress Symptoms Checklist
Identifying Your Attempts to Take Charge of Addiction in Your Family And The Consequences: Step One
Giving Up The Battle: Empowering Spouses Living with Addiction To Take Control Over Their Own Lives
Learning to Let Go of the Illusion Of Control
The Silent Struggle: Acute Stress Effects of Living With Addiction in the Family
Why Does Someone With A Drinking Problem Continue to Drink?
Resilience Amidst Addiction: Navigating Family Stress and Staying Strong
The Impact of Parental Substance Use Disorder on Children: Understanding the Dynamics
Recommended Readings for Growing Up in a Family With Substance Use Disorder
Rebuilding Lives: Parents and Children On the Path to Substance Use Disorder Recovery
Detachment: How the Family Can Be Alright When the Person With Substance Use Disorder Is Still Using
You Can Stop The Enabling Despite the Emotional Blackmail
Stop the Tag Team Enabling- Helping Your Family Member Find Recovery
Let Your Family Member Recover From Addiction: How the Family Is In The Way
Family Addiction Takes A Toll On The Self-Concept of Family Members
9 Brief SAMHSA Videos on Families In Recovery
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