Adolescence is that tricky space in development between childhood and adulthood. It is an exciting and challenging adventure for the adolescent and the parent. It is a time of growth and change for all concerned. Adolescents are usually trying to figure it out on their own and parents are trying to smooth off the rough edges before you send them out into the world.  

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During this transitional space, teenagers work through several vital developmental tasks crucial for their success and happiness in adulthood. For parents, it can be a time of great expectations or angst as you try to smooth off the rough edges before they leave for the real world. Parents have the job of guiding and supporting their adolescents' continuing development. Adolescents have a job to do, too. They have specific developmental tasks that will give them the living skills they need for competence and fulfillment. Understanding these tasks can help you support your adolescent in navigating this exciting yet challenging period.

 

Forming an Identity

One of the most critical tasks for adolescents is figuring out who they are, their values, and where they fit in the world. They do this mainly through social relationships. Adolescents select their friendship networks or peer groups based on shared interests and activities, proximity and availability, compatibility and acceptance, and parental and social media influences.  

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Everyone wants to be included and accepted. Parents are often concerned about their adolescent's choices for friendships. It is important to understand that parents continue to play an essential role in assisting their teens to explore different interests, express their opinions, and reflect on their values.

 

Parents can support their quest for independence and self-discovery by providing a safe space for them to express themselves without judgment, to try on the trappings of new identities while encouraging positive relationships with peers with similar values and interests, engaging in open communication and listening without judgment, teaching them to make decisions based on their values vs. peer pressure. A supportive home where the adolescent feels safe, valued, and understood provides a sense of belonging. Parents can stay informed about their child's social interactions to monitor for healthy/unhealthy changes.

 

Seeking Independence

Adolescents strive to assert their independence from their parents, seeking more control over their decisions and actions. Autonomy and independence involve making choices, taking responsibility, and learning from experiences. Sometimes, new independent behavior leads to conflicts at home. It's natural for teens to want to make their own decisions and assert their autonomy. It's part of their developmental tasks. As a parent, balancing granting freedom and setting boundaries is essential. Parents can encourage autonomy skills by encouraging them to negotiate for changes in rules, roles, and responsibilities, enabling them to build confidence and competence.

 

Developing Social Skills

Although peer relationships take center stage during adolescence, adolescents develop social skills vital for forming healthy relationships and navigating social dynamics. Social skill development is not limited to peer group involvement. Adolescents also socially interact with family members, teachers, mentors, and other adults. Parents can encourage adolescents to engage in group activities, join clubs, and spend time with friends. These activities teach them about empathy, communication, and conflict resolution to help them build strong, positive relationships.

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Adolescents benefit from interactions with adults such as teachers, coaches, mentors, and community members. These relationships offer guidance, support, and opportunities to develop social skills such as respect, collaboration, and effective communication. 

Positive adult mentors can also influence adolescents' social development by modeling healthy relationships, providing guidance, and offering support. Such relationships contribute to developing social skills, self-confidence, and a sense of belonging. Additionally, community activities, volunteer work, and extracurricular programs expose adolescents to diverse social interactions beyond the peer group. Community engagement fosters social responsibility, empathy, and teamwork skills. 

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Establishing Sexual Identity

Adolescents begin to explore their sexual identity, which includes understanding their sexual orientation and developing intimate relationships. It is developmentally appropriate for adolescents to create a sexual identity, which involves the formation of one's identification with a gender and sexual orientation. It begins in childhood and continues into adolescence when young people experience sexual feelings and are cognitively mature enough to think about their sexuality. It's crucial to have open, honest conversations about sexuality, empowered choices and consent, and respect. Parents can provide accurate information and be a source of support and guidance as they navigate this aspect of their adolescent's development.

 

Achieving Academic and Career Goals

Adolescents appropriately begin to think seriously about their future careers and academic paths. They should be considering their interests, abilities, values, and aspirations to explore educational and career options. This exploration involves gathering information, seeking guidance, and reflecting on personal goals and preferences to use their identity development to inform career choices. They may try various career options, paths, interests, and possibilities before deciding on their career path. In doing so, they often have an opportunity to set goals, make plans for the future, and make decisions that align with their identity, values, and aspirations. Significant adults, including parents, teachers, counselors, and mentors, play a crucial role in supporting adolescents' educational and career choices by helping them explore different pathways, practice effective decision-making processes, set realistic goals, and encourage their academic efforts.  

 

Self-awareness and Managing Emotions

Adolescents experience intense emotions as they deal with this period's physical, psychological, and social changes. Developmental tasks for building self-management skills involve monitoring and regulating their emotions. Adolescents need self-awareness to identify their emotional states and the factors influencing their emotions and behaviors. 

 

Self-management skills help adolescents control impulsive reactions, make thoughtful decisions, and cope with challenges effectively. Affective self-regulation and broader emotional intelligence skills are essential life skills. Emotional intelligence encompasses perceiving, assessing, and managing emotions effectively. 

 

Adolescents develop emotional competence, which involves understanding and regulating their emotions in various situations, and social competence, which consists of effectively relating to others with sensitivity. These are crucial skills for competence in social interactions, building relationships, and communicating effectively with peers and adults. 

 

Self-Management:

Besides emotional self-regulation and management, adolescents learn to engage in goal-setting and work toward achieving objectives and goals. They learn to manage their time efficiently by prioritizing tasks, organizing schedules, and balancing academic, extracurricular, and social commitments. They are developing decision-making skills by investigating their choices, considering the consequences, and making decisions based on their values and priorities. All these new self-management abilities empower teenagers to take responsibility for navigating challenges, solving problems, managing stress, delaying gratification, and acting in alignment with their long-term goals and values. They learn to regulate their impulses, manage temptations, and make thoughtful decisions by practicing self-control. Building self-control skills helps teenagers resist peer pressure, delay gratification, and act in alignment with their long-term goals and values. 

 

They cultivate adaptability by adjusting to changes, overcoming obstacles, and embracing new experiences. Developing adaptability skills allows adolescents to navigate transitions, cope with uncertainties, and thrive in diverse environments. All these fledgling skills are informed and guided by self-evaluation. Adolescents learn to use self-reflection to assess their strengths, weaknesses, and areas for improvement, set personal growth goals, learn from experiences, enhance emotional well-being and resilience, academic performance, social relationships, and use opportunities. 

 

Cognitive Development:

Cognitive development in the adolescent brain significantly enhances emotional intelligence and decision-making skills. Adolescents have advanced reasoning skills, including thinking about multiple options and possibilities, considering hypothetical scenarios, and following logical thought processes. They can engage in critical thinking, problem-solving, and decision-making.   

 

Adolescents begin to develop abstract thinking skills, enabling them to conceptualize ideas, understand complex concepts, analyze information from different perspectives, and engage in philosophical discussions about truth, morality, and society.  

 

They can think about and plan for the future. They are beginning to hone their decision-making skills --weighing options, anticipating consequences, and making choices based on their values, preferences, and goals. 

 

What Can Parents Do To Help?

Remember that adolescents are a work in progress, just like the rest of us. They don't wake up on their 13th (or 18th) birthday and magically have all these new superpowers. They are walking science projects. They are learning from everything, making mistakes, being oblivious about some essential things to parents, and being super-sensitive to stuff you know won't matter in five minutes. Patience and tolerance, with a side dish of firm but flexible boundaries, will provide them with the guidance and support they need to become the people they want to be. 

 

Effective communication is at the heart of being able to support your teenager in developing and practicing these skills. To provide guidance and support, they have to be willing to listen. For them to listen, you have to be willing to listen to them, without judgment, over-reaction (or under-reaction,) or lecturing. With authenticity and genuineness, they will usually take your encouragement and may even appreciate the opportunities for growth and self-improvement that you are providing.  

 

It is important to note that parents are responsible for teaching children healthy ways to manage stress, anxiety, and other emotions. If you don't possess this skill set, it is time to acquire it. It is essential for your well-being too. Modeling skills yourself doesn't hurt either. You can encourage your adolescent to engage activities that promote mental well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, and mindfulness practices if you are engaging in these self-care activities as well. 

 

Your adolescent may eschew your family values as they are trying to decide what they believe and how they want to live. Be willing to calmly discuss your family's values and beliefs and why you hold them, how they have served you, and encourage your teen to think critically about their own. Part of finding their own identity is to question some of the beliefs they have held as children. Introducing adolescents to diverse perspectives and experiences broadens their minds, fostering critical thinking and cultivating a well-rounded, empathetic worldview.

Support their aspirations by helping them explore a range of goals and encouraging their efforts in school. Encourage their discussions of potential career interests (even if they seem silly) and encourage exploration of opportunities for skill development. Your involvement can motivate them to strive for success and resilience in the face of challenges, and inspire them to invest in themselves.

 

Although they keep getting more independent and seem like they don't need you, your role as a parent is crucial in helping your adolescent navigate these developmental tasks. By providing support, setting appropriate boundaries, and fostering open communication, you can help your teen grow into a confident, responsible, and compassionate adult. Embrace this journey with patience and understanding, knowing that your guidance and support will impact their development. Remember they are evolving.

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When they leave home to go build a life for themselves, they will still have rough edges. Let them do the rest of the smoothing.